For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using. In the midst of your ninth step, you say to him “I’m so sorry that I stole that money from you and used it for drugs”. A true amend would be giving him $20 back along with the apology. Unfortunately, there are many things that we do in our using that we can not rectify with tangible goods or direct amends. What about the late nights that we alcoholism symptoms kept our parents up worrying?
- The three primary types of amends are direct amends, indirect amends, and living amends.
- When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles.
- Providers who advertise with us must be verified by our Research Team and we clearly mark their status as advertisers.
- Working Step 9 is challenging and you’ll likely need support and assistance as you work through it.
- We do not and have never accepted fees for referring someone to a particular center.
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You are setting the record strait to clean up your side of the street, so to speak. Addiction takes over your life, stealing both your joy and your time, and making it impossible for you to give back to others and live a generous life. Instead, as you pursue a life in recovery, focus on being generous with your time and giving back to others. In this way, you can take the focus off of yourself and choose to live a life of greater meaning.
How to Start Step 9
This can include improving relationships through positive interaction, such as spending more time with loved ones. Step 9 centers on forgiveness and restoration, confronting past actions directly rather than avoiding them. This step emphasizes making direct amends wherever possible, acknowledging harm caused and taking actions to rectify mistakes.
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If you are unsure of how you should make amends in a certain situation, you can consult with your sponsor or counselor about it. He or she will have helpful advice and wisdom that may help you make the right decision on how to proceed. However, it is worth mentioning other types of recovery programs will also include the amends process at a specific point in your program. When you make amends, you acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions that have hurt others. They take different forms, including direct amends, indirect amends, and living amends. Express personal responsibility for your actions and outline the steps you have taken to repair the damage.
Feeling ashamed of past mistakes should not prevent you from making amends. Recovery is about aligning your actions with your intentions, which often did not match during the time period of your active addiction. It is very important to recognize that the act of making amends is for you and not the other person.
It may be self-evident why these are so challenging for people in recovery, who have become so accustomed to hiding the truth about their behavior – even from themselves. Completing a rehab program is an accomplishment to be proud of, but it’s only the first step on a lifelong journey toward sobriety. For sustained success, you’ll need to surround yourself living amends with a robust support system of people who will cheer you on as you work toward your goals. Our approach addresses the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of addiction.
Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again. Apologies can only go so far in repairing past pain, but it’s a place where you need to begin to heal. Make a list of everyone you’ve made promises to that you didn’t fulfill, the people you’ve lied to, stolen from, or hurt in any way because of who you used to be, and apologize sincerely. Another example is a substance or alcohol-addicted adult child who regularly steals money, jewelry, and other valuable items from their elderly parent’s home. However, they may suddenly feel guilty and decide to change their ways. They can make a living amend to change their lifestyle, get sober, and stop stealing from their parent.
Harmony Haus
My only goal right now is to acknowledge the harm I caused and do what I can to make amends, if that’s possible. In these cases, reflect on whether reaching out is to clear your own conscience at the other person’s expense. This is where a 12-Step “sponsor” or even a counselor’s feedback could be helpful in checking your motivation. Sometimes stepping back is the best way you can make amends. Giving a person space and honoring their right to feel what they feel about the impact your addiction and the connected behaviors has had on their lives.
What If My Attempt to Make Things Right Goes Wrong and Things Get Worse?
We list any treatment center that meets our rehab criteria, giving you the best list of options possible when looking for treatment. Another way to start your walk with God by doing a simple and straightforward Bible study that we wrote – How to Have a Quiet Time with God. This 8-week Bible study will help you build your quiet time with the Lord if you do not already have one established. When approaching a relationship with God or anyone else, you need a good line of communication. You can listen to God through the Bible, and you can talk through prayer.
What Are Living Amends? And How Do You Make Them? Cake Blog Cake: Create a Free End of Life Plan
When you’re ready to make amends, you can find support to guide you through the process. Connect with 12-Step treatment programs to start planning your recovery. When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze. After all, I hadn’t hurt anyone (Step 8), so I didn’t need to make any amends (Step 9).